Rabies and a giant penis

Soooo, how to even begin this one.

Brad and I decided to go to Chiquito to see an old fertility ruin supposedly used by the Incas, what we found however was something else completely.

This was by far our most expensive tour so we expected only the best out of the giant stone penises. Much to our dismay, however, we arrived in a schoolyard with what looked like kindergarden-made ((Incan)I have to used parenthesis instead of quotations because my keyboard is fubared) stone walls and a sloppy looking penis if I do say so myself. We obtained some quality photos of us with said penis however so it wasn´t a total loss, but our guide was something else. We were promised a full 3 hour tour of the area and got a measly 1.5, and that was with more than the usual bullshitting on his part. As it turns out the population of Chiquito is only 1, and all of the sloppy masonry work is PRE-incan...sure buddy. The entire place looked like a few dozen kindergarten students, high on some form of acid, thought one day to build the stupidest and most mind numbing thing they could think of, and then splash it with some color on their way to catching the flying rainbows floating above them.

This was all good and fine however, until we were walking back to the taxi....

We met this jolly bastard who felt the need to be completely wasted at 10 in the morning. He shouted obscurities at us as we approached, and since one can hardly understand the usual drunken ramblings of someone, imagine it also being in Spanish. I can only imagine that he was accusing us of stealing some sort of pie, and then eating his children. This was all harmless until he opened his house door, and his dogs came out. Growling and barking at us we stopped to consider the situation. Our pansy of a guide stood behind me as I started to advance around the dogs, but one dog in particular thought I was in the wrong here and came towards me. Before I knew it the dog sunk it´s teeth into my right thigh-buttocksic region (aka ass) and then retreated before I could kick it in the throat. The owner, oblivious to what had happened, went inside as the dogs then followed...this ended the possibility of me having a good day.

We still went on another tour to see a Necropolis of the Incas, which was cool, and as we told our story to some of the people on the bus they insisted that I go get my rabies shot, because if I did contract rabies, it´s %100 fatal. After the tour we went straightish to the hospital where we tried to explain the situation in broken Spanish to the doctor. He had me lay down on a table and tried to find the wound with my shorts on...no such luck, so, in front of about 10 people I dropped my drawers and lay down on the table for the world to see. The women in the room started giggling, I guess they hadn´t seen the ass of a Greek God before, that or I am REALLY pale, either way the doctor brushed the giggling aside and proceeded to swab me with all sorts of fancy liquids! Minutes later I am done and ready to leave. The doctor prescribes me 20 or so pills and apparently I have to have a shot tomorrow and every day after for about 2 weeks?!, just to make sure I don´t have any infections and whatnot. To celebrate my superhuman defeat of rabies, Brad and I went and ate 2 family size pizzas while listening to Eye of the Tiger, yes, it was THAT awesome...

So...that´s my day. How have you been?